Vocation Stories
"Our Father in Heaven has called us each…to the place in which He can best satisfy His infinite desire to do us good. My vocation is the one I love, not because I think it is the best vocation in the Church, but because it is the one God has willed for me. If I had any evidence that He willed something else for me, I would turn to that on the instant."
Thomas Merton ~~ No Man is an Island
Thomas Merton ~~ No Man is an Island
Father Kevin
My vocational story always didn’t start in an environment of religious life. My father and stepmother were decisively not interested in the life of faith, although my father was quite diligent to be certain I was baptized as an infant. Beyond that, there was no real going-to-church as it were in the home in which I grew up.
The first time I ever recall entering a place of worship was when my maternal grandmother Nyura was visiting me in England, not far from Bristol. She took me to an Orthodox church in the area called Sts. Peter and Paul. It was such a beautiful and memorable experience for me, although after her visit I didn’t really attend another worship service as I was really quite on my own in terms of faith.
I was always an outdoor child, quite active. This is actually where my core spirituality was nourished. Whether walking or hiking through the woods, I certainly encountered the Divine Presence in such environments. Of particular fondness was a place called Leigh Woods. As an introvert, I often and still do find God speaking to me from the silence rather from the noise.
Another layer in my spiritual development came through my activities in athletics, which was not optional in my household. My little brother and I were known for riding horses, boxing, and of course football (soccer for my American friends) and rugby. In competition, I came to value what it means to support a common cause, to work together, to aspire and to achieve. This may seem a very odd notion, but in the absence of organized religion in my home, this in some way became my community of brotherhood. But I also saw in those moments that I was most competitive, a spirituality flourishing from engagement in the challenge as well.
Now there was a rather humorous moment in which I took my little brother Matthias with me on a horse to go to church and attend a Catholic Mass. I suppose we seemed quite the spectacle, although everyone treated us with such hospitality (a 12 year old and an 8 year old arriving to Mass by themselves probably seemed adorable to them). It is rather funny though, because having my only reference of worship as an Eastern Church, I told my stepmother they crossed themselves backwards (she laughed a lot over that one).
Fundamentally, my spirituality was one of nature, of the outside world, and my deep protective embrace of my brother (and in some instances my teammates) that defined my vocation. There was no one particular moment of epiphany for me, although I would say my vocational story has no end. It is my never-ending story if you will.
I was ordained to the diaconate in 1997 and the priesthood in 1999, but my Celtic spirituality was really always quite present (even if I didn’t know it by name). In 2015, while sitting next to my dear friend Father James (in Hawai’i) after Morning Prayer, he showed me a website for the Holy Celtic Church. Now as a man who always closed his Eucharistic Celebration with an Irish blessing, he found it interesting. I was incardinated into the HCC just about a year ago. (Fr Kevin, RIP - 2019)
The first time I ever recall entering a place of worship was when my maternal grandmother Nyura was visiting me in England, not far from Bristol. She took me to an Orthodox church in the area called Sts. Peter and Paul. It was such a beautiful and memorable experience for me, although after her visit I didn’t really attend another worship service as I was really quite on my own in terms of faith.
I was always an outdoor child, quite active. This is actually where my core spirituality was nourished. Whether walking or hiking through the woods, I certainly encountered the Divine Presence in such environments. Of particular fondness was a place called Leigh Woods. As an introvert, I often and still do find God speaking to me from the silence rather from the noise.
Another layer in my spiritual development came through my activities in athletics, which was not optional in my household. My little brother and I were known for riding horses, boxing, and of course football (soccer for my American friends) and rugby. In competition, I came to value what it means to support a common cause, to work together, to aspire and to achieve. This may seem a very odd notion, but in the absence of organized religion in my home, this in some way became my community of brotherhood. But I also saw in those moments that I was most competitive, a spirituality flourishing from engagement in the challenge as well.
Now there was a rather humorous moment in which I took my little brother Matthias with me on a horse to go to church and attend a Catholic Mass. I suppose we seemed quite the spectacle, although everyone treated us with such hospitality (a 12 year old and an 8 year old arriving to Mass by themselves probably seemed adorable to them). It is rather funny though, because having my only reference of worship as an Eastern Church, I told my stepmother they crossed themselves backwards (she laughed a lot over that one).
Fundamentally, my spirituality was one of nature, of the outside world, and my deep protective embrace of my brother (and in some instances my teammates) that defined my vocation. There was no one particular moment of epiphany for me, although I would say my vocational story has no end. It is my never-ending story if you will.
I was ordained to the diaconate in 1997 and the priesthood in 1999, but my Celtic spirituality was really always quite present (even if I didn’t know it by name). In 2015, while sitting next to my dear friend Father James (in Hawai’i) after Morning Prayer, he showed me a website for the Holy Celtic Church. Now as a man who always closed his Eucharistic Celebration with an Irish blessing, he found it interesting. I was incardinated into the HCC just about a year ago. (Fr Kevin, RIP - 2019)
Dom Edward OSBA (csr)
Dom Edward
My earliest memories of going to church are from the 1960s. I remember frequently looking at the ceiling and thought that heaven was inside the ceiling. I used to wonder how everybody who died managed to fit into such a small place. My other two memories of those days are that I called, what I now know to be the Canon of the Mass, the ‘long kneeling session’, and the other that they would sell bricks at two shillings and sixpence as a contribution towards the new church which was being built.
I became an altar server when I was, I suppose, 11 or 12 years old. This was the post Vatican II, pre 1970 Mass, when there was still enough mystery in the Mass to captivate my imagination. There are many reasons for the decline in religious belief today, God has been replaced by many different gods – hedonism, consumerism and the general solipsism in society. I am convinced that one of the contributing factors was the arrival of the 1970 Mass, most of the mystery of the Mass had been stripped out, there was no more spectacle, no more theatre. God is outside of our everyday experience, and mystery and ceremony in the Mass were elements which provided ceremony and ritual, giving the worshippers an experience of something special, something precious. Something that is woefully absent today in many Churches.
I remained an altar server until I finally joined a religious order at a tender age and was packed off to Rome to study philosophy and theology. It was during this time that I finally accepted that my sexuality was not in keeping with the ideals of those around me. I remember the General of the order telling us that he wanted ‘real’ men in the order. The implications of this were not lost on me. When I finally confessed to a superior that I had realised I was gay – the response was to send me to therapy. The psychologist really did not understand the issue, the whole experience was a waste of time and money.
Inevitably I left the order. I then conducted a life where I enthusiastically explored all aspects of my sexuality.
I was working in tourism, and was eventually sent to Egypt to work, and I remained there for almost three years. There, amidst ancient Egypt and modern Islam, I rekindled my quest for God. The beauty of watching the sunset over the west bank of the river Nile, the vastness of the unending desert brought me to contemplate, to understand that God is also present in nature, in everything we see and do. I started being a good Roman Catholic again, attending Mass at an Irish convent in Cairo. Of course, I was not really being a ‘good’ RC, as I was still engaged in the enthusiastic side of my sexuality, which did not equate with the Party line. However, I was beginning to mature, and managed to free myself of the guilt complex, so ingrained in Roman Catholics of my generation.
I eventually joined a Benedictine Monastery, where I was totally open with the Abbot about my sexual orientation. His attitude was that it made no difference, as long as I wished to embrace the Benedictine ethos, which meant being chaste. Sexuality was not important.
My time in the abbey re-kindled my love of liturgy. The monastery managed to give a dignity and respect to the Mass, which was woefully missing in so many parishes. I think that my years in the monastery were the happiest years of my life. However, I started to become disillusioned with the institutional Church, and from within was able to see many of the inconsistencies of the politics of the Church. I was an idealist, and eventually left the monastery a couple of years after my profession. In retrospect this was a wrong decision. I was advised by the Abbot to stay, he was convinced that I had a vocation to the monastic life. This decision to leave has been the biggest regret of my life.
However I became angry with the abuses and scandals of the Church which were rapidly becoming more and more evident. My faith remained.
I have continued to study theology all of my life, particularly church history with special reference to the the primitive nascent Christian Church. During my reading I slowly came to the realisation that all was not well with the RC Church, with particular reference to a much later ‘doctrine’, papal infallibility. Also the unfortunate sexual scandals besetting the Church did not help my mood. I began exploring Orthodoxy. There is much in Orthodox theology which I like, however in the Orthodox churches I saw the same intolerance of diversity as in the RC church, something I wanted to get away from. In fact the hysterical rhetoric in some of the Orthodox churches against homosexuality can be more severe than in the RC church.
The straw which finally broke the camel’s back, was when I applied to be a permanent deacon in the RC Church. I had all of the requisites necessary to become a deacon, and was supported by my local parish priest and parish. However the bishop concerned was homophobic. During my interview with him, he quite clearly stated that he found it suspicious that I was not married, and that perhaps there was something unacceptable in my sexuality. If he had told me that the reason for my rejection was because I was not suitable for any other reason, I would have accepted it. However, intimating that I was not acceptable because I might have been other than heterosexual, was the final straw for me.
Despite this abuse I was still looking for a way to dedicate myself to God in a special way. I fortunately found the Holy Cross Benedictines online. I remember feeling so excited. It seemed to be an answer to prayer, everything I was looking for in life was encompassed in those few pages on the website.
I did not join the HCC because I was looking for priesthood, but priesthood was the logical consequence of being a Holy Cross Benedictine.
The HCC does not come with the baggage of the traditional Churches, yet answers all of my needs. Traditional in Faith and liturgy, yet open in matters of social conscience, especially sexuality.
I would be very happy to talk with anyone who might be exploring a vocation with the HCC and its associated Orders.
I became an altar server when I was, I suppose, 11 or 12 years old. This was the post Vatican II, pre 1970 Mass, when there was still enough mystery in the Mass to captivate my imagination. There are many reasons for the decline in religious belief today, God has been replaced by many different gods – hedonism, consumerism and the general solipsism in society. I am convinced that one of the contributing factors was the arrival of the 1970 Mass, most of the mystery of the Mass had been stripped out, there was no more spectacle, no more theatre. God is outside of our everyday experience, and mystery and ceremony in the Mass were elements which provided ceremony and ritual, giving the worshippers an experience of something special, something precious. Something that is woefully absent today in many Churches.
I remained an altar server until I finally joined a religious order at a tender age and was packed off to Rome to study philosophy and theology. It was during this time that I finally accepted that my sexuality was not in keeping with the ideals of those around me. I remember the General of the order telling us that he wanted ‘real’ men in the order. The implications of this were not lost on me. When I finally confessed to a superior that I had realised I was gay – the response was to send me to therapy. The psychologist really did not understand the issue, the whole experience was a waste of time and money.
Inevitably I left the order. I then conducted a life where I enthusiastically explored all aspects of my sexuality.
I was working in tourism, and was eventually sent to Egypt to work, and I remained there for almost three years. There, amidst ancient Egypt and modern Islam, I rekindled my quest for God. The beauty of watching the sunset over the west bank of the river Nile, the vastness of the unending desert brought me to contemplate, to understand that God is also present in nature, in everything we see and do. I started being a good Roman Catholic again, attending Mass at an Irish convent in Cairo. Of course, I was not really being a ‘good’ RC, as I was still engaged in the enthusiastic side of my sexuality, which did not equate with the Party line. However, I was beginning to mature, and managed to free myself of the guilt complex, so ingrained in Roman Catholics of my generation.
I eventually joined a Benedictine Monastery, where I was totally open with the Abbot about my sexual orientation. His attitude was that it made no difference, as long as I wished to embrace the Benedictine ethos, which meant being chaste. Sexuality was not important.
My time in the abbey re-kindled my love of liturgy. The monastery managed to give a dignity and respect to the Mass, which was woefully missing in so many parishes. I think that my years in the monastery were the happiest years of my life. However, I started to become disillusioned with the institutional Church, and from within was able to see many of the inconsistencies of the politics of the Church. I was an idealist, and eventually left the monastery a couple of years after my profession. In retrospect this was a wrong decision. I was advised by the Abbot to stay, he was convinced that I had a vocation to the monastic life. This decision to leave has been the biggest regret of my life.
However I became angry with the abuses and scandals of the Church which were rapidly becoming more and more evident. My faith remained.
I have continued to study theology all of my life, particularly church history with special reference to the the primitive nascent Christian Church. During my reading I slowly came to the realisation that all was not well with the RC Church, with particular reference to a much later ‘doctrine’, papal infallibility. Also the unfortunate sexual scandals besetting the Church did not help my mood. I began exploring Orthodoxy. There is much in Orthodox theology which I like, however in the Orthodox churches I saw the same intolerance of diversity as in the RC church, something I wanted to get away from. In fact the hysterical rhetoric in some of the Orthodox churches against homosexuality can be more severe than in the RC church.
The straw which finally broke the camel’s back, was when I applied to be a permanent deacon in the RC Church. I had all of the requisites necessary to become a deacon, and was supported by my local parish priest and parish. However the bishop concerned was homophobic. During my interview with him, he quite clearly stated that he found it suspicious that I was not married, and that perhaps there was something unacceptable in my sexuality. If he had told me that the reason for my rejection was because I was not suitable for any other reason, I would have accepted it. However, intimating that I was not acceptable because I might have been other than heterosexual, was the final straw for me.
Despite this abuse I was still looking for a way to dedicate myself to God in a special way. I fortunately found the Holy Cross Benedictines online. I remember feeling so excited. It seemed to be an answer to prayer, everything I was looking for in life was encompassed in those few pages on the website.
I did not join the HCC because I was looking for priesthood, but priesthood was the logical consequence of being a Holy Cross Benedictine.
The HCC does not come with the baggage of the traditional Churches, yet answers all of my needs. Traditional in Faith and liturgy, yet open in matters of social conscience, especially sexuality.
I would be very happy to talk with anyone who might be exploring a vocation with the HCC and its associated Orders.
Dom Edward is the Priest -in -Charge of our mission in Southampton, Hants. UK
Dom Ugo-Maria E.S.B.
Laudetur Jesus Christus - Nunc et semper
I was grateful to be asked by Dom Alistair to write my vocation story for the church’s website in the hope it will help the reader discern their own vocation. Everyone is called by Christ to follow Him and we can do this by discerning which of the four types of vocation is suited to us, Priesthood, Religious Life, Marriage and Single Life.
My name is Dom Ugo Maria and I’m a Priest-Hermit of the Hermits of Saint Bruno a religious Order within HCCI. I live in a small hermitage (St. Mary’s Hermitage) near Canterbury in Kent.
I attended Minor Seminary in Castrofilippo (AG) in Sicily, with the Famiglia Salesiana. Even at this early age I knew what path the Lord had chosen for me and I therefore surrendered to His will.
Major Seminary was at the Diocesan Seminary of Cefalú (PA) — from a young age I’d had a personal relationship with our Lord and wanted to continue receiving His stewardship and guidance which perhaps always in the way that we would like, but in a manner that He thinks is best suited for us. Surrendering to this early on is an important step in allowing the Lord to lead your life and enter your heart and mind; accepting this is to trust in the Lord implicitly which is a first step within your chosen vocation.
My family then moved to Ramsgate in England - I attended St. Augustines’s Abbey church. My interest in religion waned at this time, Catholicism in England seemed different from what I was used to in Italy and found it soulless, so I joined the Army remaining for some years as an officer and later as Staff Officer. Being demobbed in Germany, I stayed in Osnabrück, where by chance I met an amazing conservative Theologian from the Cistercians, we met most days after work and chatted about everything and anything. He eventually invited me to go to Mellifont New Abbey in Collon Co. Louth were I spent a very long time just absorbing the presence of God, the silence, the prayers and the library. I occasionally returned.
In 1997 I attended the Franciscan International Study Centre at the University of Kent in Canterbury for a BA in Theology my thesis was entitled “Vatican II - a polarisation of Catholic understanding?” Which upset the bishop of the diocese. I then followed my studies with a diploma in Philosophy from Oxford University.
At Oxford I became interested in Ultrajectine Theology which is imbued with Vincent of Lérins or Peregrinus’s Commonitorium “Ultrajectine thought rejects papal infallibility and holds to the belief that only the Church in ecumenical council may speak infallibly.” And thus I began my journey with Old Catholicism, and where I first met Fr. Kitchenham.
As you may know not every Independent Catholic Jurisdiction is stable or has a bishop that has the best interests of their flock at heart. HCCI is not one of those jurisdictions, they are traditional, liberal, monastic and mystical and therefore supportive, inclusive and accommodating with a large communion worldwide and members of the World Council of Churches through their membership of International Council of Community Churches.
I came to a point in life where I could no longer reconcile what was happening to the Catholic Church and after some time decided to leave and informed the Bishop that I was returning to one of the Old Catholic jurisdictions. It was a very distraught time for me and I wanted to be careful that I was not leaving a bad situation to a worse one.
I continued to follow an Eremitic life and Carthusian Spirituality in the footsteps of Saint Bruno (Using their Statuta Antiqua as a rule), and have done so for the past 13 years out of 23 in holy orders. My aim is contemplation, separation from the world, Prayer, holy liberty, obedience to God’s will and Faith. My vocation is a Work of God as “There is no more urgent task for thee than to be without tasks, that is to leave off all changing reality, from which all tasks emerge, the joy and reward of silence and solitude; “Here God rewards his athletes with the longed— for prize: peace that the world does not know, and joy in the Holy Spirit; (from Saint Bruno's letter to Raoul).”
So here we are dear Brothers and Sisters, I am a somewhat private and secluded individual, more in-tune with a religious contemplative and academic way of life but I do have the odd burst of conversation with people since I’ve made my journey in the desert, but mostly I find communicating difficult. I trust in time we will get to know each other, support each other and pray for each other.
I have a very compact Horarium, so I’m kept busy all day, daily Mass and obviously praying quite a lot, researching, reading, writing religious academic papers for acedemia.edu. I also revive out of print and copyright traditional catholic religious books that have disappeared from circulation so that they are always available. I garden in the spring and summer looking after the fruit trees, planting vegetables and flowers, although the vegetables seem to feed the pests in the garden more than me. I draw religious art using DTP programs, and I regularly pray for the church, our Bishop and our members. I manage the website of the Hermits of Saint Bruno and the Facebook platform. St. Mary’s Hermitage has one dog (Jules who is 3), and three cats (Buffy who is 23, Terra 18 and Gus 1) we also have two chickens which provide eggs.
I am blessed to be a member of the Holy Celtic Church and happy to have made the choice as monasticism has a very strong link to Celtic Christianity and that makes me feel at home.
I am and always will be your Brother in Christ.
In Iesus et Maria
Dom Ugo-Maria E.S.B.
Eremita di San Bruno
On the feast of St. Paschal Baylón O.F.M.
I was grateful to be asked by Dom Alistair to write my vocation story for the church’s website in the hope it will help the reader discern their own vocation. Everyone is called by Christ to follow Him and we can do this by discerning which of the four types of vocation is suited to us, Priesthood, Religious Life, Marriage and Single Life.
My name is Dom Ugo Maria and I’m a Priest-Hermit of the Hermits of Saint Bruno a religious Order within HCCI. I live in a small hermitage (St. Mary’s Hermitage) near Canterbury in Kent.
I attended Minor Seminary in Castrofilippo (AG) in Sicily, with the Famiglia Salesiana. Even at this early age I knew what path the Lord had chosen for me and I therefore surrendered to His will.
Major Seminary was at the Diocesan Seminary of Cefalú (PA) — from a young age I’d had a personal relationship with our Lord and wanted to continue receiving His stewardship and guidance which perhaps always in the way that we would like, but in a manner that He thinks is best suited for us. Surrendering to this early on is an important step in allowing the Lord to lead your life and enter your heart and mind; accepting this is to trust in the Lord implicitly which is a first step within your chosen vocation.
My family then moved to Ramsgate in England - I attended St. Augustines’s Abbey church. My interest in religion waned at this time, Catholicism in England seemed different from what I was used to in Italy and found it soulless, so I joined the Army remaining for some years as an officer and later as Staff Officer. Being demobbed in Germany, I stayed in Osnabrück, where by chance I met an amazing conservative Theologian from the Cistercians, we met most days after work and chatted about everything and anything. He eventually invited me to go to Mellifont New Abbey in Collon Co. Louth were I spent a very long time just absorbing the presence of God, the silence, the prayers and the library. I occasionally returned.
In 1997 I attended the Franciscan International Study Centre at the University of Kent in Canterbury for a BA in Theology my thesis was entitled “Vatican II - a polarisation of Catholic understanding?” Which upset the bishop of the diocese. I then followed my studies with a diploma in Philosophy from Oxford University.
At Oxford I became interested in Ultrajectine Theology which is imbued with Vincent of Lérins or Peregrinus’s Commonitorium “Ultrajectine thought rejects papal infallibility and holds to the belief that only the Church in ecumenical council may speak infallibly.” And thus I began my journey with Old Catholicism, and where I first met Fr. Kitchenham.
As you may know not every Independent Catholic Jurisdiction is stable or has a bishop that has the best interests of their flock at heart. HCCI is not one of those jurisdictions, they are traditional, liberal, monastic and mystical and therefore supportive, inclusive and accommodating with a large communion worldwide and members of the World Council of Churches through their membership of International Council of Community Churches.
I came to a point in life where I could no longer reconcile what was happening to the Catholic Church and after some time decided to leave and informed the Bishop that I was returning to one of the Old Catholic jurisdictions. It was a very distraught time for me and I wanted to be careful that I was not leaving a bad situation to a worse one.
I continued to follow an Eremitic life and Carthusian Spirituality in the footsteps of Saint Bruno (Using their Statuta Antiqua as a rule), and have done so for the past 13 years out of 23 in holy orders. My aim is contemplation, separation from the world, Prayer, holy liberty, obedience to God’s will and Faith. My vocation is a Work of God as “There is no more urgent task for thee than to be without tasks, that is to leave off all changing reality, from which all tasks emerge, the joy and reward of silence and solitude; “Here God rewards his athletes with the longed— for prize: peace that the world does not know, and joy in the Holy Spirit; (from Saint Bruno's letter to Raoul).”
So here we are dear Brothers and Sisters, I am a somewhat private and secluded individual, more in-tune with a religious contemplative and academic way of life but I do have the odd burst of conversation with people since I’ve made my journey in the desert, but mostly I find communicating difficult. I trust in time we will get to know each other, support each other and pray for each other.
I have a very compact Horarium, so I’m kept busy all day, daily Mass and obviously praying quite a lot, researching, reading, writing religious academic papers for acedemia.edu. I also revive out of print and copyright traditional catholic religious books that have disappeared from circulation so that they are always available. I garden in the spring and summer looking after the fruit trees, planting vegetables and flowers, although the vegetables seem to feed the pests in the garden more than me. I draw religious art using DTP programs, and I regularly pray for the church, our Bishop and our members. I manage the website of the Hermits of Saint Bruno and the Facebook platform. St. Mary’s Hermitage has one dog (Jules who is 3), and three cats (Buffy who is 23, Terra 18 and Gus 1) we also have two chickens which provide eggs.
I am blessed to be a member of the Holy Celtic Church and happy to have made the choice as monasticism has a very strong link to Celtic Christianity and that makes me feel at home.
I am and always will be your Brother in Christ.
In Iesus et Maria
Dom Ugo-Maria E.S.B.
Eremita di San Bruno
On the feast of St. Paschal Baylón O.F.M.
